Updated: Dec 19, 2022
Did you know that Sunday, January 2nd is going to be the biggest day for online dating in 2022???
Actually, the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day are the prime time when singles are looking for their special someone.
With their new year’s resolutions in mind, singles focus their attention early in a new year on the things they want most. Typically, they want is to achieve their fitness and weight loss goals and to have the love life they want. Does this sound like you?
If you haven’t been dating for awhile or you simply want to spruce up your existing dating profile. These are some basic tips to keep in mind as you prepare for the biggest online dating day of the year:
1. Photos are what initially get men’s attention, so let’s start with those. Men can’t help that they’re visually oriented because that’s how their brains are wired. But if we’re honest with ourselves, ladies, the truth is that we as women are also very affected by photos or visual images of others. If a man’s pictures show him grimacing or give off a negative vibe, we aren’t likely to take the time to read that man’s profile. We’ll move on to profile photos of men who look confident, friendly, smiling and show their entire body and not close up shots where you’re looking up their nostrils.
The rule of thumb is to have 3-6 current photos in your profile that were taken within the last 2 years: The first one should be a headshot that shows your smiling face, in the proper lighting (no shadows, blurring or taken in dark locations) should show your face in close range from the top of the chest up, wearing a bright colored top such as red, fuchsia or hot pink. You want to avoid wearing clothes in dark and dull colors or with busy patterns. For every shot you use, make sure your face is well lit. I can’t stress this enough. In your main headshot photo, you shouldn’t be wearing a hat or sunglasses. In fact, I advise that you limit photos of you wearing sunglasses to no more than 1 photo. Men need to see your eyes.
The 2nd photo should be a full body shot taken at close range, which means close enough for someone to know it’s you and can see you clearly including your facial expression. If you’re in a photo with other people, make sure to include a caption for that photo identifying who you are in that photo.
The most common photo mistakes are to use shots that are taken too far away, that are dark, poorly lit or blurry and those taken with sunglasses on. Other mistakes are frowning, not smiling, using filters (men hate these) or including photos that are more than 5 years old. Men often tell me how upset they get when a woman conceals her age and ends up being 10, 20 or more years older than the photos. They feel this is false advertising.
If you’re looking for a healthy, happy, long-term relationship I advise that you don’t include overly sexy, seductive photos (i.e., too much cleavage, extremely tight or short clothing, suggestive poses) because you’ll only be advertising to and get the attention of people who are looking only for sex or something casual.
Men like to connect the story about you that you tell through your photos and in your essay. You want to tell a story about yourself that highlights who you are, what you’re passionate about, things you enjoy, whether it’s cooking, wine tasting, biking, tailgating at a football game, sightseeing, skiing, ziplining, gardening or playing tennis. Have a friend take photos of you doing some of the activities you mention in your profile essay. If you make the best chili this side of the Mississippi River because of your 1 secret ingredient, then do use that statement as a cliff hanger that will prompt someone to ask you about your secret ingredient and include a photo. This is just one example of how you start a conversation with someone and draw them to you by providing a thread they can follow. Many dating apps provide questions that are designed to spark conversation such as the question in Bumble on “two truths and a lie about me”. These are fun, spark curiosity about you and lead to connections!
If you want to include photos of a pet or pets, then include only 1 photo. If you include photos of your children or other people, be sure to cover or blank out their faces to protect their privacy.
2. In your essay or “about” information:
Frame anything you say from a positive perspective and avoid negatives. For example, you don’t want to include a laundry list of negatives that you’re trying to avoid from your previous relationships (such as someone who’s a cheater, married, abusive, clingy, stuck on his ex, a narcissist, untrustworthy, etc.). You can state or frame what you’re looking for in a positive way, for example, by saying that you’re looking for “a man who is ready for a committed relationship and the love of his life”. When negatives are used, they repel and turn quality men off.
Try to use language that you normally use in a live conversation. Include enough information about you so that anyone interested to start a conversation has several topics to connect with you on. For example, if music is very important to you, include your favorite artists or songs from your Spotify list. If you’re a big reader, include a sentence on what you’re currently reading.
Let the part of you that sparkles with joy and curiosity shine through in your essay. I encourage you to ask your closest friends to give you feedback on this to make sure that what they know and love most about you is reflected in your profile. If you’re a huge Grateful Dead fan, mention your favorite album or the best concert you attended. If you enjoy Italian wines and you first became interested in them on your trip to Tuscany in 1999, tell a very brief story from that trip. It’s better to tell a story or two about things you most enjoy, instead of a long list of everything you like to do without providing any context. Think about what you would say if you were meeting them in person. You might tell a few stories, but you wouldn’t read off a long list of interests.
If you are seeking a long-term relationship, then state early in your profile that you are looking for a LTR (long-term relationship).
Be your authentic self and honest about yourself which includes providing your current age. You want your profile and photos to attract a kindred spirit, a soulmate, so the more you include information about yourself that brings out the essence of you, the more you will draw in that kindred spirit.
3. After your profile is posted, continue to update some aspect of your profile once a week and respond to or start a conversation with at least a few people each week so that the dating app algorithms identify you as being active and will continue to send you new potential matches.
4. If your time and energy are limited for a love search, then focus on being active online during the peak hours which are Sunday afternoons/evenings, and Monday through Thursday evenings around 6-9:00 p.m.
Most of all, don’t stress about putting up your profile. Just get it out there and know that you’ll be able to tweak it any time you wish. It’s going to be a work in progress, just as you are constantly evolving as a human being, right?
Hope these tips help you get started!
Good luck and have fun with this!
Wishing you new love in 2022, with a universe of support and love for you and all your heart’s desires!