To find your soulmate, you need 1 thing more than any dating strategy you use. It’s more important than how you look, your age, your past experience, your current circumstances, what your online profile looks like, how you dress, what you say or anything else! PERIOD!
Most people who are looking for love, women and men, assume there is something they should do to find better matches who will want a long term committed relationship.
And they’re partially right. There are many things you can do to find your perfect match.
I love sharing those with you and there’s plenty of information out there on what to do to meet someone, how to date, what to say, how to figure out if someone is right for you, etc.
But when it comes to attracting your amazing partner, some things are more critical than others that determine how long it will take to find that person and who you actually find.
What most people don’t know is that all the dating strategies in the world, a perfect online dating profile and pictures, great clothes and make-up, reading books and taking courses; none of these will help very much if they don’t first focus on this …
You’re probably wondering what this 1 thing is. And it will surprise you to hear this.
It’s how you FEEL.
The magic ingredient is how you feel.
It’s how you’re feeling each day, moment by moment.
What is your general or predominant mood?
What are the emotions you are predominantly feeling throughout your day?
Are you in a fairly happy place?
Are you waking up dreading the day or stressed out?
Or do you wake up excited for your day with curiosity and hope?
How much joy, delight, peace, love or gratitude are you feeling each day?
Do you feel anger, sadness, frustration, resentment, disappointment?
Please understand. I’m not saying that you should be feeling a specific way or that you shouldn’t feel how you’re feeling.
On the contrary, your feelings should be honored and listened to for the deeper wisdom and messages they give you. Your emotions are an invaluable guidance system for you in life and in your search for love!
What I’m suggesting is that you notice what you’re mostly thinking and feeling each day.
Begin by taking an inventory of what you’re thinking and feeling over several days or a week. Keep a notepad with you or your cell phone to note your observations.
Rate the intensity of your thoughts/emotions from a 1 to a 10, with 1 being they have very little intensity, the emotion is barely noticeable and 10 being that you’re feeling intensely bad or intensely good.
How much of the day are you feeling this? 10%, 30%, 80%?
Then ask yourself, how much pleasure, joy, fun, love, gratitude, peace are you feeling.
What you can think about to increase that feeling of well-being even 1 level up on the 1 to 10 scale?
Then test out what activities, conditions or thoughts bring about increased positive emotions for you or increase the intensity of positive emotions. Cuddle your pet, hug your child, read something uplifting, name the things you’re appreciating in that moment.
Again, this is not about denying or not expressing your true feelings. This is more about focusing your attention on how you can increase the intensity of some of the positive emotions. How you can stretch out the amount of time you stay in a positive emotional state particularly the good feelings. Take a few extra moments to linger outdoors a bit longer and soak in the sunshine on your face and the smell of fresh cut grass. Or really feel how cozy and soft your bed is as you settle in for the night. Soak in that warm cup of coffee or tea and enjoy every last drop.
Notice and tune in deeper into the pleasures in these moments and tell yourself. “This feels really good. I feel really good. I’m so satisfied right now”.
Let’s think about you now. When it comes to your love life,
Are you really wanting a life partner but you notice mostly doubts come up and you’re feeling it isn’t possible for you to find your ideal match? Do the feelings of doubt outweigh the excitement or desire that you feel?
Do you spend more time thinking about the downsides of having a partner, the freedom you’ll give up, or the fears they will treat you in unwanted ways, or that you won’t be able to keep your boundaries in a way that feels safe and comfortable for you?
Do you mostly feel discouraged when you think about finding your soulmate? To test this out, ask yourself, from a 1 to a 10, how discouraged do I feel?
Or do you mostly feel hopeful about finding your true love?
What I know is that women and men have found their soulmates when they weren’t looking their best, when their first dates didn’t go perfectly, when they weren’t doing anything in particular except feeling good and being their authentic self in that moment.
The challenge is to hold the vision of what you want in your mind’s eye without focusing on it too intensely. I completely understand it’s difficult to want something so much for so long and be discouraged when you’re not seeing evidence that it is going to happen for you.
But what happens to everyone who is looking for love, at one time or another, or most of the time, is their daily thoughts contradict what they want or desire.
They want love but they don’t want pain or rejection that might come along with it.
They want companionship but they don’t want to give up their freedom (independence) or hold parts of themselves back so that someone will accept and love them.
They want a relationship but they don’t want the bad things they’ve experienced before.
The unconscious beliefs and fears that were formed about relationships in their early life and previous romantic relationships are playing in the back of their minds at the same time while they’re trying to find love.
As an example, you could be thinking of the perfect mate and the qualities you’re looking for and how you want to feel when you’re with them, but if there’s an equally powerful feeling in you that you’re not worthy of that much love or that no one is going to choose you or that in some way you’re not good enough or you’re flawed, then those beliefs/fears will show up as impediments and will attract challenges that will sabotage the beautiful vision and desire you have for having a partner in your life instead of setting you up to actually have it in your life.
So this is what I do with new clients. We identify the thoughts and fears that could be limiting their ability to feel greater joy, confidence, hope, excitement and success and I help them release those so that their general feeling state becomes more and more positive. The limiting thoughts and emotions decrease over time and are replaced by new empowering, inspiring, exciting beliefs.
In this way, the combination of their vision of what they want and how they feel actually draw others to them and opens the floodgates of possibility in their love search!
For techniques to increase positive feelings so you can attract a soulmate, if you haven’t already received the free “10 Steps You Can Take Now to Attract Your Soulmate”, send me an email to email@example.com and I’ll send these steps to you so you can start using them now!
Stay tuned for the next blog where I’ll talk about the kind of vision you must hold along with increased positive emotions, in order to attract your soulmate!
With a universe of love and support for all your heart's desires,