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Is the fear of losing Your freedom keeping you from being in a relationship?

Updated: Oct 22, 2021

Earlier this month, on July 4th, I randomly drew a goddess card from Doreen Virtue’s Goddess Guidance oracle cards. The card I drew was BAST, the Egyptian Goddess who turns into a cat at night and protects her loved ones.

Of all the cards in this deck, I found it interesting that I pulled this card on July 4th. How perfect is that!

Bast’s message is that independence is the foundation for your strength and success.

Many women (and men) experience inner conflict when it comes to their independence in romantic relationships.

Even though many women over 50 really want to share their lives with someone special, one of the top reasons they tell me they are apprehensive or on the fence about having a romantic relationship is they don’t want to give up their freedom and independence.

They’ve created a life for themselves where they get to do whatever they want whenever they want.

I often speak to divorced women who want to have a special companion with whom to do things like travel, without getting married again or living in the same home.

Isn’t it amazing to realize how many choices there really are to create a relationship that is right for you?

If you're someone you really wants to have it all, including getting married and combining households, you might have a fear of giving up your freedom and the identity you’ve worked hard to establish over the years, especially if you've been single for awhile.

Is this true for you?

Here’s another fear women over 50 talk about.

The fear of losing themselves in a relationship, giving too much of themselves, or, becoming too dependent on the other person.

And some fear that their partner will become too dependent on them.

Many of the women I meet want a partner who is a compliment to who they are. They don’t need someone to complete them. They already feel complete within themselves.

No matter what relationship we’re in, whether it is with our parents, spouses, children, friends or romantic partners, having our own independence and freedom is a basic human need.

We must be free to be and express all of ourselves and to be loved exactly as we are.

Now, going back to Goddess Bast, have you ever observed how cats spend their days?

I take daily lessons from my cats on the importance of a balance between socialization, play, exercise, rest, freedom, independence, affection and pleasure.

Cats don’t hesitate to let their demands be known to their humans! They certainly don’t feel guilty about asking for what they want!!

They fully expect they'll receive what they want and when they do, they really relish every moment in the pleasure of receiving.

Bast’s message is to honor the part of you that seeks to be fiercely independent, to do your own thing and go on your own adventures,

and also to have playmates for fun and shared affection.

Cats just follow their natural needs.

So I ask you to consider this question.

How would your fulfillment in life increase if you decided to follow your natural human needs and enjoy receiving what you need every day???

Bast’s advice to you is to:

  • Honor your internal guidance, follow your interests and make your own decisions

  • Ask for what you need (this one is difficult for most women, isn’t it?)

  • Receive what is given to you and truly enjoy it (without guilt or the need to reciprocate)

  • Give yourself permission to play and seek out what pleases you

  • Balance social interactions with the need for alone time

  • Enjoy activities that you can do in solitude

My lovely friend, which of the above do you least do for yourself???

What is 1 thing can you do today to honor your basic human need for independence and freedom??? If you're not coming up with anything, take a hint from an animal you know....


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